so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
