I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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