can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
