**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i love accidental penises.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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