i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
