just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
