Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
