why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish you could order shots online.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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