i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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