I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she smelled like a LAN party
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
