god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
