So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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