You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
