I hate your face
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
