SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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