dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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