I'm going to jail i love you
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
