I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
3pm strippers are depressing
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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