I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
