we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
