Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
