Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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