I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
