I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
