Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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