Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You were trust falling into bushes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
