Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
