he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he shaved USA in his pubs
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
