Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
