It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
