im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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