You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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