I just cut my nipple shaving
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
