So drunk its hurt
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
