areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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