I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
