i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
