Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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