DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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