I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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