I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
