He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When are your genitals available?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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