I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
