Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
