wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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