part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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