Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
