Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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