There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
