Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
