Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
