do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
