got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
