There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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