Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I need to stop coming to work sober
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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