Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
