Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
