I must be too annoying 4 u.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
